NOTHING is over till we say it is.

That said there would be no offense in this game?

J.T. O’Sullivan. Kyle Orton. A possible 3-2 final score. FEEL THE ELECTRICITY!

Using the ROFLbot.

“There’s something in life called respect, and you earn it.”

25. Fresno State

Quarterback lineage includes the amazing David Carr and Trent Dilfer. Typically one of the best teams in the WAC, often the best that plays on a green field. Plays in Fresno, which ensures a home field advantage, because no one sane would go to Fresno voluntarily.

24. Michigan

Totally past that Appalachian State thing. Seriously. Totally not feeling like shit cuz they didn’t get Terrelle Pryor. Also Seriously. Completely ready to run the spread offense with Ryan Threet. And really gonna beat Ohio State. Why are you laughing? Stop laughing! At least they’re not Notre Dame…

23. Wake Forest

Still riding the coattails of the Tim Duncan era. Probably could have used Tim Duncan to block kicks. I don’t know anybody on the Demon Deacons

22. Penn State

Joe Paterno is really fucking old. So old he could be John McCain’s son old. So old he hasn’t noticed his entire program is in jail old. So old he’s been asking when we’re adding a 14th state old. So old he’s confused about where the redcoats went old. So old that he still thinks he’s on Pangaea old. So old he remembers when this joke was funny old.

21. South Florida

Nuff said.

20. Oregon

Tried to play a Leaf at quarterback. A secondary that looks good on paper, but in reality just gets BEAST MODE’d

19. Illinois

Ron Zook is still excited about the Rose Bowl. From last year. The one he got shitstomped in.

18. Tennessee

Wants less of this. Should probably bring back Manning. It’s the SEC, they can fudge the papers right?

17. BYU

Tried to claim spots 13, 11, 19, 21, and 4 as well. Famous quarterbacks include staunch and stoic Mormon Jim McMahon. Famous 49ers include Ty Detmer.

16. Arizona State

2nd on the list of people who have caused me the most emotional trauma in my 49ers fandom is Dennis Erickson. The offensive line gave up 6 sacks in a preseason scrimmage against the Mesa Pop Warner Pee Wee team. It was their best performance of the summer.

15. Virginia Tech

Vick has been replaced in all the record books at Virginia Tech with V**k. Although, in a show of solidarity with their fallen brother, they will lose many dogfights of games against lesser ACC opponents.

14. Texas Tech

Basically playing arena football yet somehow looks legitimate. Doesn’t appear to be influenced at all by Bob Knight. Could potentially lose Michael Crabtree to a particularly hungry Mangino.

13. Kansas

Narrowly defeated Maryland in the “Coaches Beating Anorexia” marathon once again. Coach once mistaken for the Big Boy statue when he wore suspenders. Once mistaken for the Syracuse Orange when he wore an orange shirt. Once mistaken for the Great Wall of China when he wore a shirt he got from China.

12. Wisconsin

Allegedly an actual state. Thinks Brett Farve should still be on the Packers. Residents won’t watch Badger football due to scheduled telling of Aaron Rodgers and Ted Thompson to fuck themselves. Haven’t realized that voluntarily living in Wisconsin is doing that.

11. Auburn

Somehow the more likable team in Alabama. Shows the true evil of Nick Saban, that he can make something in Alabama likable, even if it is his team’s rival. Trying to install the spread. First must introduce the wheel and opposable thumbs to the SEC.

]]> http://mymindgrapes.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/mocking-the-top-25-25-11/feed/ 0 cgb2010 http://mymindgrapes.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/22-days/ http://mymindgrapes.wordpress.com/2008/08/08/22-days/#comments Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:41:29 +0000 cgb2010 http://mymindgrapes.wordpress.com/?p=107 ]]>

“Fine. Stay here. Be just like everyone else. I wanna boldly go where no man has gone before.”

Mindless optimism reigns supreme once again….

No one knows who the quarterback is gonna be. And they should probably be fearing for their lives anyway if the line is anything like last years. Mike Nolan seems to be more Michael Scott than Jack Donaghy. Alex Smith is on his last chance. J.T. O’Sullivan (Aggies!) could be the starter. Issac Bruce wearing red is gonna be weird. But it all can’t possibly be as bad as last year, right? At least it’s gotta be more entertaining. We all know Mike Martz is batshit crazy when it comes to playcalling, but its not Jim “3 and Out” Hostler. And hopefully there’s some semblance of a pass rush this year. The defense was good but overextended last year. Patrick Willis and whoever plays next to him will likely still have to make 250+ tackles this year. And it looks like its a long way to September 7th. But there’s football on TV tomorrow. And thank the FSM for that.

Inspired by a series of articles at Hey Jenny Slater the first of how many ever I feel like posting up.

Quite Frankly, the last 8 games of the California football season was an OUTRAGE of preposterous proportions. There’s a quarterback controversy that’s driven fans so nuts that I seem rational by comparison. Add that to the tree sitters making this school look more RIDICULOUS than Sasha Vujacic.

THIS.

IS.

UN.

ECK.

SEPT.

UH.

BLE.

And ESPN, I need more airtime. Give me Lou Holtz’s job, I’ll give some strange-ass, unnecessary, ridiculous, sensational, motivational speeches. I can be the best pep talk giver since SLAVA MED-VUH-DEN-KO.

NATE LONGSHORE! What’s this about an ankle and a pectoral injury? There is no excuse for losing to a bunch of trees on a farm! Trees can’t even move! Have you ever hear Brook Lopez talk? And what the hell is a Tavita? MY GOODNESS. But I’ve seen what you can do son. You represent FREEDOM and OPPORTUNITY. You could be the best quarterback since JOE ROTHVADENKO. 500 Touchdowns is completely within reason. Go lead that team to Rose Bowl glory, with SUPERB and SENSATIONAL play. And Quite Frankly, anyone who says you can’t is perpetrating an injustice of ridiculous proportions against you.

JAHVID BEST QUITE FRANKLY YOUR SPEED IS PREPOSTEROUS. I haven’t seen anyone run that fast since BARRY SANDUHS. And you need to channel that speed. You need to get to the end zone faster than Quite Frankly got canceled. Faster than ESPN is taking my responsibilities away. Faster than I ate this bag of CHEEZ DOODLES RIGHT HERE.

BRYAN ANGER I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE VERY ANGRY. I’m not sure what your name has to do with your temper, but I can only assume that it will make you a STUPENDOUS punter. Quite Frankly, you could be the best punter since SLAVA MED-VUH-DEN-KO. It doesn’t matter that Slava did not punt, you WILL be the best punter since him.

CALIFORNIA DO NOT BE ALARMED. Coach Tedford will lead you to the promised land. You are UNDERRATED. You are UNDERAPPRECIATED. You are UNINTIMIDATED. And UNABATED to the quarterback. You will be as TENACIOUS as I will in getting back to the stage of the NBA draft. Quite Frankly, if California does not win the PAC-10, it will be the BIGGEST OUTRAGE OF ALL TIME.

Continuing on after a setback is its own kind of strength.