8/2/08 Top 10 – Hot Hall Of Fame Game Action

1. Hall of Fame Game – There’s a thousand things that are far more productive that I could be doing with my Sunday evening, but I’m gonna end up watching Peyton Manning and Jason Campbell go through the motions for about 6 minutes before some guys who are gonna be lining the taxi squads of the Arena League take the field. August 8th, Niners-Raiders? Screw the Olympics, give me two drives of Alex Smith and Frank Gore!

2. The A’s – I don’t blame the trades but they flat out suck right now. At the very least, they’re exactly where I thought they would be before the season, a 75 win team. The season’s over but at least 2009-2012 look really bright. But for the second year in a row, no A’s in October. At least A’s fans will have Rich Harden and Danny Haren to root for in the playoffs.

3. Cal Football – For all intensive purposes, at least according to my NCAA 09 dynasty, Nate will probably be the starter, Riley gets some time, Syd’Quan Thompson becomes the lockdown corner of Cal fans dreams. Best is half man-half amazing and will replace THA1 as the star in Strawberry Canyon. It’s still 4 weeks till the season, and given how much time I’ve spent at California Golden Blogs the past few weeks, I need those 4 weeks to go bye quick. Prediction time, Cal could be anywhere between 11-1 and 7-5, so figure on 9-3 and a Holiday/Sun Bowl berth.

4. Tight Ends in San Francisco – A lot has been made of Mike Martz’s ignoring of the tight ends over the years, but I’d make the argument that he makes the best of what he’s got. He made Marshall Faulk into a superstar, and I’m sure he can take 700 yards worth of tight ends from the worst offense in the history of ever, and utilize them in a way that produces way more than 14 points a game.

5. Manny Ramirez and Kyle Farnsworth – Two of the most important characters in the history of The Dugout change places. While it isn’t important to most people, pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth will never get to share a locker room with JeterJeterPumpkinEater and e5_rod. But Manny heeding Torre in LA will probably induce a great amount of insanity retardation I’ll eventually get to enjoy should I ever get around to watching baseball.

6. AB and The Mississippi Bullet – Back in the bay through 2014 at for a combined $130 million. I know I’m not the only one that sees reason to be optimistic for the near rather than far future at Oracle Arena. Between these two, Anthony Randolph and Corey Maggette, it’s one of the most athletic 4/5ths of a starting lineup there is. There’s still a complete lack of strength and rebounding, but its not like they had that before. The team could win 36 games this year, and I’m aware how pathetic that sounds, but 36 wins is about one and a half seasons from the beginning of my Warriors fandom. And thats from a team thats “bottoming out” this year. If Hendrix or Turiaf can become a tough starter at the 4, thats a recipe for a future 50+ win team.

7. More NCAA 09 – For the love of god, fix the AI problems. Other than that, its still ridiculously fun and is for the most part satisfying my football jones. If they can just patch up the gameplay issues (I should not be able to pick-6 4 passes in a game on Heisman, the problems with open field tackling are ridiculous). Also, NEEDS MORE OSKI. After Jahvid Best sprints 76 yards for the touchdown he should be partying with Oski in the endzone. Other things it could do to improve the experience, card stunts would be cool, as would random yelling from the stands like “Take Off That Red Shirt!”. Also fuck SC and fuck Fight On. Go Bears!

8. SaberCats – Damn. Hopefully this team stays intact in 2009. Also, what the hell Steve Watson? Breaking curfew the night before the championship is literally the dumbest thing I’ve heard in a while. And I read about SEC football admissions.

9. Berkeley – Back there in 3 weeks. As always coming in feeling good and excited, only to have my optimism gone by October and my spirit broken in December. But I’m optimistic now, so WOOO! GO BEARS!

10.  TV Shows – Started watching Heroes. Thumbs up to The Mole and I Survived a Japanese Gameshow. Gonna start Burn Notice later. 500 GB hard drive on the way will help out. Rewatching Arrested Development for the 800th time.

EDSBS Inspired – 31 Days

Victory belongs to those that believe in it the most and believe in it the longest. – Pearl Harbor (film)

Mike Martz Is Straight Up Mentally Ill

There are 3 schools of thought involving the 49er quarterback situation. One, that Alex Smith has better tools and is thus better prepared. Two, that Shaun Hill has won in his limited opportunities and thus deserves another shot. Three, that the Mike Martz 5 Wide offense will leave the corpses of both players on the Candlestick Park grass by October. Some consider Mike Martz crazy, as if he were on crack while calling plays. Others, perhaps, consider him straight up mentally ill, like a certain third heat.

Martz: Lemme just say, I’m excited to be here. It’s an honor for you to meet me. I’ve got a lot ofplays I’m ready to bust out. I got a play named “Biscuit”, write that out. I got another play named “Rolando”, who is a two-footed jump pass hail mary.

Mike Nolan: How you doin’?

Alex Smith: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?

Nolan: Yeah.

Smith And that he once fell asleep on Dick Vermeil’s roof?

Nolan: Yeah, Mike has mental health issues.

Smith: He bit Marc Bulger on the face.

Nolan: When you hear his version, he was kinda askin’ for it.

Smith: Oh Shit, here he comes

Martz: Yo Alex, I want you to know something… You and me, it’s not gonna be one-dimensional. ‘Cause I don’t believe in one-dimension. Not between people, and not while I’m play calling. So, here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it’s Shark Week.

Smith: What the hell does that mean?

Martz: 5 Wide! Hell send the linemen out there!

Smith: What about my protection? I’m gonna get sacked on every play!

Martz: Are there other wusses playing quarterback or is it just you?

Smith: Oh god I’m gonna die. The pass rush crusaders are gonna get me

Shaun Hill: If Alex dies can I get all his plays?

*Reading the Mercury News”

Nolan: It says here you’re brilliance and proficiency in play calling will be the key to our success.

Martz: Brilliant? Proficient? I don’t understand half the words you just said.

Nolan: You yell things at Alex through the microphone and make touchdowns happen.

*Press Box, Week 1 vs. Arizona, Martz calling plays*

Martz: Excuse me, wheres the manager, I’m here to inspect the chicken nuggets!

Nolan (to Alex Smith): What the hell is going on out there?

Smith: I don’t know, he’s muttering something about chicken nuggets and the third heat.

*Smith uses cryptography to translate Martz’s words to some form of English*

John Madden: Now ya see, Martz called some brilliant plays and Alex Smith executed. And when you execute and attack, you move the ball forward. And when you keep moving forward it means you’re not moving backwards. BOOM!

Madden: And when you score more points than the other team, that’s how you win the game.

*Niners beat the Cardinals and all is well with the world*

Mike Martz and Tracy Jordan are in no way affiliated, though they might just be equally batshit crazy. John Madden actually talks like that. If Alex Smith doesn’t get sacked 87 times this year I’ll be shocked, but it’ll be better than last years offensive festival of suck.

EDSBS Inspired – 32 Days

The thing is, I haven’t watched film all week. I haven’t seen scouting reports. I don’t have an offensive coordinator talking in my ear. I don’t have 80,000 fans screaming in my face. So it’s easy for me — I don’t have 10 million people watching at home on TV, including a pack of rabid alumni. I’ve had three days to think about it. He had seven seconds. So it’s a lot easier for me to make that decision than it was for him. But since you asked me what play I would have called, I’ll tell you. Now that I think about it, I have no idea. – Sports Night

EDSBS Inspired – 33 Days

I’m going to tell you this one more time with all the humility I can summon up…You will not beat me. – Denny Crane

Sigh.

Hey, at least I predicted the final score right, just not the right way…

Cal and the Niners can’t get here soon enough…

Better Know A SaberCat – QB Mark Grieb

In the end, Arena Football always comes down to quarterback play. And over the last decade, the best in the league has been San Jose’s Mark Grieb. But this year, the league’s most consistent quarterback has been remarkably inconsistent. Whether its age, the new jack linebacker rules, injuries to his receivers, his 21 interceptions in the regular season and playoffs are the most of his career. He’s gone through stretches of absolutely locked in play, games completing over 80%, and the defense has been good enough most of the year to make up for said inconsistencies. But against Philadelphia today, will he be locked in enough, without his safety valve in James Roe?

To make matters more difficult, while dealing with a top 3 secondary, he’s going to have to use a brand new receiver in Samora Goodson for at the very least spot receiving duty. Of all the ArenaBowls the SaberCats have played in, the Soul has the toughest defense of the four opponents. This very well could be a defensive struggle, one in which the quarterback who makes the fewest mistakes will be holding the Foster Trophy tonight. Grieb was near perfect in Arena Bowl XXI, and almost as impressive in ArenaBowl XVIII, with 12 touchdowns and 0 picks in the two games. He may need just as impressive a performance to hang a 4th banner in San Jose.

EDSBS Inspired – 34 Days

Abby: Jed, what are you thinking about?
Jed: Tomorrow. – The West Wing

EDSBS Inspired – 35 Days

“The thrill of victory, and the agony of my feet.” – Daggett Beaver

Yes, Beavers-Cardinal Is Important

Its 36 hours until the ArenaBowl and I’m already having some sort of traumatic withdrawals. So much so that regardless of the events of Sunday afternoon, by Sunday night I’ll be partially mentally incapacitated until we hit the end of August. Preseason NFL does not help relieve the pain It’s already been established that I’m sort of crazy. So it comes as no shock that I’ve already planned out the events of August 28th, the first day of the college football season. Sadly, this is the first legitimate day of classes, but come 5pm, I’m sprinting out of Evans, getting Thai food from the place on Hearst, and by 5:45, I should be sitting in front of the TV, all ready for the epic showdown between Stanford and Oregon State.

What would compel me to get so excited about a game between two teams that, and yes i know they both beat Cal last year, will finish in the bottom 4 of the Pac-10 and in the long run is probably amongst the most inconsequential of the 45 conference games this year? Because it’s football season goddammit.

I am terrible at a lot of things. Hand-eye coordination, the understanding of women, and playing the drums on Rock Band being amongst the most obvious at the moment. I am not an athlete. I always tried to deny this in my head but I probably realized it when I was a bad second-string offensive lineman in Pop Warner. There’s a litany of other things I could bitch and moan about. But no one, including myself, gives a shit about that when there’s football on TV. A long week at school, whatever problems I have, mental, physical, emotional, frustration in general all gets pushed to the back of my mind when there’s a football on the TV. Fall and winter, I get to put on my Marshawn or Gore jerseys, yell at the TV or jump up and down at the Stick/Memorial for a few hours, and get to ignore my own problems for a while. And yeah, I realize whatever I go through from day to day is probably amongst the mildest shit anyone in the world has to deal with. But still, I’d rather spend any day bitching about Hostler’s playcalling (hopefully not about Mike Martz’s this year) than figuring out my own shit. Introspection by and large, sucks. There’s no chance that I’ll derive any inspiration or motivation from that. But Alex Smith leading an 86 yard drive on MNF, the Cal-U$C game in 2003, ArenaBowl XVIII, I watch that and can’t help but feel excited.

And I know I make football seem more important than it is a lot of the time, but that’s just because I love it for events like that. You know no matter how your own team’s season goes, you get those moments that put you on cloud nine. A loss isn’t the end of the world, after all the fan doesn’t really do a whole lot but make noise and be superstitious, but a win delivers a rush that I’m not likely to get from working on CS 186, going on a jog, and probable failure at a number of things stated throughout this post. And if the Bears/Niners/SaberCats don’t win, there’s always another week.

There’s something special about football strategy. It’s almost like a form of mental masturbation for the mildly insane. You can spend endless hours wondering how to defend a certain player, trying to stop the triple option, or pick apart a Cover 2. But it’s the innovator, the one who’s not just one step ahead, but multiple that has the upper hand. After all, No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! The game rewards creativity, and as long as we’ve got the batshit crazy (Mike Martz) creativity won’t be in short supply. And to the outside obsessive observer (people like me) it gives even more food for thought, more puzzles to play with. There’s always the anticipation of the next genius moment. It’s something even the immature among us (also people like me) relish doing in the video game football. If anything its driven the insane to be even more insane, and the geniuses to insanity. Poring over millions of scenarios and realizing that one thing that has a high probability of working merits that adrenaline rush that you can only get from 75000 (virtual) people singing Fight For California because of what you just did.

The media cultivated sports conventional wisdom tricks fans into believing in certainties and absolutes. And in football, where there are so few games, and almost all seem to be more national news than local, this becomes even more pronounced. But the road to the defeat of the conventional wisdom is often the most exciting thing of all. It’s why there’s an upset alert ticker on pretty much every telecast, and why I scramble for my remote as soon as I see it. Everyone likes to see Goliath get taken down (except for you bastard Laker/Yankee/Patriot bandwagoneers, you know who you are). Its a thrill to ride with the underdog, to achieve the unlikely and shock the world. It’s the concept of so many “little guy/loser/dork wins the game/girl” movies. And when the convention wisdom has a stranglehold on you, the story might actually be more fun to watch.

So is Stanford-Oregon State really that important? You bet your ass it is. It means another year of ridiculous optimism has begun, and if a game can deliver that much positive emotion to so many people, how can it be a bad thing. Of course it’s only good when it’s positive, but that’s mostly what I’m deriving from it. I may be going into this year without a girlfriend and with my GPA not where i wish it was, but there will be football. There will be touchdowns, walks to Memorial, train trips to the Stick, hours jumping on metal benches, and just maybe a trip to Pasadena. There are 45 games that will determine if I get to make that trip to Pasadena. The first of those 45 is Stanford-Oregon State. and its less than 5 weeks away.